Someone posted a link to a writing prompt on FB and it looked interesting so I felt like going for it. I needed a challenge and if you know me, it’s hard for me to write anything short. I’m always thinking in novel mode. No story less than 50k. I’m hoping I succeeded in making this story stand alone. So tell me what you think when you read it. And yes, it has vampires.
If you want to do your own story to the prompt go to WDBWP or check out the post HERE. The prompt was writing a fairy tale fitting to the season that’s under 1k. Mine’s about 990.
So, with that said, enjoy my story! And leave comments! I love comments!
Lost in the forest, a young girl finds herself alone. She’s about to give up but then she hears a voice.
“Even darkness can’t cloak the beauty that the sun delights in.”
Turning to it, she is welcomed by a spark of light. Perched on a high branch, a man dangled a lantern teasingly from his fingers.
“Can you help me?”
“Of course.” Holding the lamp near his face, the shadows cast darkened his grin. “You’ll need a lamp.”
“Can I have yours?” Licking her lips nervously, she grabbed her purse. After fishing through it, she retrieved a few coins. “I’ll pay you.”
“With a kiss?” He leapt from the tree artfully, the soft crackle of leaves breaking the silence.
He stalked closer, the lantern swaying with his movement. “Do we have a deal?”
Her voice shook as she answered, “Deal.”
Dropping the lantern, it fell to the soft earth, extinguishing the light. She swallowed her fear, her hands drawn to her chest. With her heightened sense, she heard him take one slow step and then another. Hands reached up to her shoulders, her chest rising and falling shakily with each deep inhale.
Pausing near her ear, his breath warmed her neck. His hand pushed aside her hair, sweeping it over her shoulder. “Three kisses.” Each word slipped off his tongue like the hiss of the passing wind. “And you’ll be mine.” She could feel the shape of his lips, their surface stinging as they brushed against her skin.
Inhaling deeply, the crisp air filled her lungs. His hand shot to her mouth as his other took a firm hold of her middle. Fangs pierced her flesh, his lips taut against her skin. She screamed, the noise filtering through his thick fingers but not traveling beyond his ears. After a few excruciating seconds, he pulled away. Blood trickled down his chin, his lips painted by the sin.
He released her and she fell to her knees. Her auburn hair now hid her face, her warm breath reflected back at her. Struggling to catch her breath, she wheezed with each inhale. Her heavy head slowly turned upward, her eyes met by the warm fire caged in the lamp.
Scanning her surroundings, each breath expelled from her lips made her body quiver. The rustle of leaves and the distant sound of wolves filled her ears. Her hand snatched the lamp and she pushed to her feet.
Her head was reeling but she pressed on. With the lantern’s light she could see the path, but it also lured the demons hiding in the shadows. One now stood in her path. His fur was raised as he snarled through clenched teeth. Staring into his shining eyes, her breath quickened, her fear locking her in place.
Her eyes snapped to the man casually leaning against a nearby tree. His words were cocky and she wasn’t sure which was worse, making a deal with the devil or getting ripped apart by a hungry wolf.
Suddenly, the man appeared at her side, but she didn’t marvel at the feat. She was watching the other wolves that advanced from the darkness. Her saving light was now the spark of her demise.
Her fearful eyes didn’t break from the wolf’s. A growl reverberated in his throat as each slow, cautious step he took brought him closer. Her words were breathless, each one encased in a fragile cloud of smoke. “Help me.”
Breaking from her side, the man pulled out a knife and started for the wolves. The kills were quick, the darkness sparing her eyes what her ears were not. Soon he was standing before her again. “Done.” Waving the knife, it dripped with the nectar of his conquest. She heard every drop fall even though the noise was barely audible.
“How beautiful you are.” He chuckled as he cupped her chin. “I can’t wait to make you my queen.” Gazing into her eyes, there was a great hunger in his expression that went beyond his thrust for blood. “But don’t you know an angel can’t win a game with the devil? Give up now and I will use my magic to make the next bite feel as light as an angel’s kiss.”
Though she was terrified, her answer was firm. “No.”
Baring his fangs, he angrily took her in his arms. Once again he bit her. She belted out a shrill scream that roused the birds, sending them into frenzied flight. Their bodies covered the moon, their high pitched shrieks stinging her ears.
Shoving her away, he let her limp body fall to the ground. “Give up.”
Tasting her own blood, the warmth reminded her she was alive. He hadn’t won yet. She found her voice, her tone soft but not broken. “No.”
She then forced her body to rise. Grabbing her lantern, she ran awkwardly down the path. Even though she could hear the wolves, she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She was too close.
Then she saw it. Moonlight. Its rays made the tall grass sparkle, each blade bending to the will of the strong breeze. One more step and she was free.
Letting out a tired sigh, she gazed at the moon. It’s gentle light allowed her to see the world the dark forest had hidden. In the distance she could see the faint lights of the village. She had won. She had beaten the devil.
Taking a deep breath, she prepared to move forward. Suddenly, the hood of her coat was yanked backward. The tightened fabric dug into her skin, cutting off her breath. Her hands desperately pawed at her collar as she was dragged back into the darkness.
Comments: The mystery in On Her Knees was whether Tina would surcome to the charms of a handsome doctor that buys her at a charity auction. They met under unpleasant circumstances, something that Tina is afraid Xavier is dying to give her some revenage spankings for-which she totally deserves by the way.
My favorite part was the bathroom scene. Though it was erotic in nature it had me laughing-in a good way. Her writing has a great wit that shows she not only can write a great sex scene but she can also maintain a solid, stand alone plot line while doing so.
As a writer, I immediately admired Chantel’s ability to produce a rich imagery that left the reader feeling as if they were actually touching, feeling and experiencing the story as it unfolded. I felt the description of the auctioneer stood out the most and I swear I could feel her cold, clammy hands and the temperature of the room. Ha ha, even the spankings were described awesomely.
Overall I give it 4 out of 5 stars. I loved the story but there wasn’t a definite anwser to the ‘mystery’ and I felt it lacks the concrete ending it needs to be a complete short. It seems like it is making way for a sequel or has the potential of becoming a full length novel.
All in all, this is a well written story with an entertaining plot line that is worthy of giving a read. If talk of stinging spankings didn’t draw you in wait until you see what else lies inside this erotic short! Check it out!