Inside the mind of a fantasy writer

Friday Fictioneers: Creeping

I decided to do another Friday Fictioneers prompt this week.  So….here it is, something short from a normally long winded fiction writer.  I don’t think it turned out the greatest though.  It sounds more like an excerpt than a short.


Copyright-Rich VosaI watch the door open slightly, a gentle tuff of air moving it from the other side.   The light snakes down the hall and stops at my feet but I move quickly so not to be discovered.   A shadow moves inside it, faltering it’s crisp invasion of the darkness.  Someone is there, the weight of their presence stealing each quickened breath that escapes my parted lips.

I feel safe in the shadows until the door is flung open, sending my back slamming into the wall.  No sound is emitted with the action, only the silent shout of light that has captured me.


37 responses

  1. I love the vivid imagery. Nice work

    December 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

  2. i don’t know what the hell is happening, but i can sure feel the tension. makes me think of a vampire avoiding the sunlight. well done.

    December 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    • I think it might be a bit confusing because it wasn’t a full story but I guess all my posts are kinda like that so it’s okay. And thanks for the praise mister 😉

      December 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

      • deserved praise. even to a tease.

        December 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

        • You know it!

          December 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

          • you started it.

            December 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm

  3. I like the use of light as violent – great imagery and tension.

    December 7, 2012 at 1:52 am

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

  4. This is very sinister, the idea of being pursued by light. Beautifully described. Sometimes the most innocuous of things can be turned into something frightening.

    December 7, 2012 at 2:33 am

    • Like when one runs from something they’ve done wrong and it catches up with them in the end.

      December 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

  5. Shout of light. Nice. I’d like to know more.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:18 am

    • I was proud of that one as well.

      December 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

  6. Why not just have a scene – nothing wrong with that…liked the movement and the light, and the build of tension – many directions it could go from here..

    December 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

    • I’m a fiction novelist so I guess writing anything short is hard for me but thanks for the praise 🙂

      December 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

  7. I want to hear some more!!!! Great start to maybe a short story or something.

    December 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

  8. Agreed it’s a scene or a part of something bigger. No biggie for me, I love scenes were I can add my own imagination.. And the “silent shout of light” could be used in a haiku…

    December 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    • You’re welcome to borrow it 😉

      December 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

  9. Hi Heidi,
    Sounds like the beginning of a great story. Would like to read on. Did you really mean a tuff of air or a puff? Also should be its not it’s. Ex-English teacher here. Can you tell? Ron

    December 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    • Yes, it was supposed to be puff. Whoops. And I like a guy with good grammar 😉

      December 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

  10. Nice work. Captured by the light. This is my favorite, “Someone is there, the weight of their presence stealing each quickened breath that escapes my parted lips.” You’ve captured the moment of what is happening with your writing.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    • Thanks 🙂 I worried it took too much of the word count up but liked it so kept it in.

      December 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

  11. I like the feeling, and the idea of light not as warmth and comfort, but dangerous.

    December 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    • Light reveals everything, sometimes the things we don’t want others to see.

      December 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      • agreed, or even what we are hiding from.

        December 7, 2012 at 10:13 pm

  12. Busted! Nicely done.

    December 8, 2012 at 6:49 am

    • You got the general idea of the post 😉 Thanks.

      December 8, 2012 at 9:36 am

  13. Very vivid scene and a very interesting usage of words.
    Specifically the last line got me! Very well rendered piece of work.

    December 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 8, 2012 at 11:56 am

  14. Very interesting story; I like your take on the photo prompt and again another author writing in a way that excites the reader leaving them wondering! Cool job! 😉

    December 14, 2012 at 1:13 am

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 14, 2012 at 5:20 am

  15. very vivid

    December 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    • Thanks, I was going for that.

      December 28, 2012 at 6:56 pm

  16. randalldeanscott

    Well, done. I can see this as a scene as well. However, you’re the creator and you will find the appropriate place for this intense moment. Enjoyed the read.

    December 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    • Thanks 🙂

      December 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

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