Dating A Writer?

Things to know or keep in mind when dating a writer.

1.  Never look over her shoulder when she’s writing.

This is a giant pet peeve of mine.  For example you and your partner are both sitting in bed with your laptops working on various things or surfing the net.  Your partner looks over to see why the heck you’re typing a million words a minute.  Then enters the annoyance.  They will take a line (usually totally out of context) and read it aloud or they will ask you a million questions about what you’re doing.  Ah!  Leave her alone when she’s in her zone.

2.  Expect silent moments from her.

There may be times when she totally ignores the exciting conversation you are having with her about how you wrote this awesome code for your webpage and is instead thinking about writing that next chapter in her book.  There also may be times where she looks distant or angry but really she is thinking about writing.

3.  Expect her to know a lot of big words.

Words that most people don’t use in everyday language.  She likes words and most likely her favorite books are the dictionary and thesaurus.

4.  Never laugh at anything she have written unless it’s supposed to be funny.

Don’t read a love scene she has written and say, wow, is that supposed to be about me?  Also never laugh immaturely at them, these kinds of things we writers are sensitive about.  Laugh and you’ll be sleeping on the couch or maybe in your car if she lets you have the keys.

5.  Don’t read anything she writes aloud and out of context.

Don’t causally turn to a page in her novel and read it aloud then ask some dumb question about it.  It’s like flipping through the channels on tv and watching the final death scene in a movie you’ve never seen then laughing at how overdramatic and cheesy it sounds.  If you watched the whole damn thing you wouldn’t feel that way.  It’s basically the same thing when reading a book.

6.  Her second (maybe first) love will be her laptop.

Expect her to spend a lot of time with it instead of you.  And no, she’s not surfing the web for porn or IMing that hot repairman at her work (hopefully) she writing.

7.  You don’t have to like what she writes or even read it. 

Just make sure to encourage her and not make fun out of her hobby.  Take her writing seriously because that is important to her and your opinion as a partner means a lot to her.  Make sure to make her feel like the greatest writer in the world because most writers need encouragement.  We often times have a low self esteem when it comes to our writing.

8.  There is a big chance she may be slightly introverted.

9.  Don’t be surprised to see pieces of you in some of her characters.

Certain things she loves or hates about you might come up non purposely/purposely in something she has written.

10.  Her mind will wander…a lot.

Expect some silly and overdramatic things to spout from her lips.  As a writer she is dreamy eyed and very imaginative so except that to be a part of her personality.

11.  Don’t expect her to do any housework when she’s working on her novel. 

The dishes will sit in the sink for days if she’s in ‘the zone’.

12.  Give her alone time.

If she purposely takes her laptop into another room while you’re together don’t assume she is doing it to get away from you.  You are a distraction  and she needs to focus on a piece she’s working on.

13.  Expect to hear her talk to herself.

Most likely she will read what she has written aloud to herself to see if the dialogue makes sense.  Also she may make weird facial expressions or noises because she is trying to figure out how to describe them for the scene she is writing.


63 thoughts on “Dating A Writer?

  1. I can’t stand when people look over my shoulder when I’m working, writing or otherwise. I can relate to most of the others as well, even though I’m not a “lady writer.”, except the laptop thing. I think I’m one of the few people in the world who still prefers a desktop to a laptop.

    • I’m sure there are other people who prefer a desktop too. I just like laptops because they’re portable and I can’t sit still at a desktop. Ha ha, I should probably change the lady writer part.

  2. AMEN!!! I thought this was just me. I am so glad to be in good company! (#13 – I talk out character development to myself also like I’m talking about old friends. My family has threatened to have me committed…)

  3. And if you happen to be a lady with a writer for a boyfriend, please do not be offended if a character who looks a lot like you is much much much more baroque in her erotic activities. Hey, it is a guy thing, it is bound to come out in his writing.

    • Ha ha! Yes, you are probably right. I’ve also noticed there is a difference between the way a lady writer writes a love scene compared to the way a male writer writes one. The lady’s is more based on emotions whereas the male’s is based on…..

    • According to an ex, the big words issue made him feel stupid, like I was trying to make fun of him or something. At the time I wasn’t but now….

      • Eh – I find that people who feel stupid over something like words… It speaks more about their own insecurities and less about someone trying to be superior. I’ve had people try to make me feel inferior before, it is a bit different than sporting a big vocabulary.

        BTW – I am a writer that needs a door closed when I am writing. I need privacy to work… So whoever I date has to realize that. Or I probably will not be dating that person, heh.

  4. There is one more I’d add to the list: Don’t be hurt that your writer-partner spends a lot of time doing something that you can’t help with, can’t be a part of, and probably don’t understand. Give them space, and be happy that they aren’t playing video games. You’ll thank them for being eccentric if they ever have a best-seller.

  5. Very good list! I liked number 3 – I think some of the big words that randomly come out of my mouth scares me sometimes. 🙂 And I ALWAYS cover my work when anyone tries to read what I’m writing. I feel uncomfortable showing anyone unfinished product!

  6. Hi Heidi, thanks fellow writer, for dropping by and liking “Stuck in a Rut”
    I look forward to exploring your blog and reading your posts 🙂

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