Inside the mind of a fantasy writer

Dating A Writer?

Things to know or keep in mind when dating a writer.

1.  Never look over her shoulder when she’s writing.

This is a giant pet peeve of mine.  For example you and your partner are both sitting in bed with your laptops working on various things or surfing the net.  Your partner looks over to see why the heck you’re typing a million words a minute.  Then enters the annoyance.  They will take a line (usually totally out of context) and read it aloud or they will ask you a million questions about what you’re doing.  Ah!  Leave her alone when she’s in her zone.

2.  Expect silent moments from her.

There may be times when she totally ignores the exciting conversation you are having with her about how you wrote this awesome code for your webpage and is instead thinking about writing that next chapter in her book.  There also may be times where she looks distant or angry but really she is thinking about writing.

3.  Expect her to know a lot of big words.

Words that most people don’t use in everyday language.  She likes words and most likely her favorite books are the dictionary and thesaurus.

4.  Never laugh at anything she have written unless it’s supposed to be funny.

Don’t read a love scene she has written and say, wow, is that supposed to be about me?  Also never laugh immaturely at them, these kinds of things we writers are sensitive about.  Laugh and you’ll be sleeping on the couch or maybe in your car if she lets you have the keys.

5.  Don’t read anything she writes aloud and out of context.

Don’t causally turn to a page in her novel and read it aloud then ask some dumb question about it.  It’s like flipping through the channels on tv and watching the final death scene in a movie you’ve never seen then laughing at how overdramatic and cheesy it sounds.  If you watched the whole damn thing you wouldn’t feel that way.  It’s basically the same thing when reading a book.

6.  Her second (maybe first) love will be her laptop.

Expect her to spend a lot of time with it instead of you.  And no, she’s not surfing the web for porn or IMing that hot repairman at her work (hopefully) she writing.

7.  You don’t have to like what she writes or even read it. 

Just make sure to encourage her and not make fun out of her hobby.  Take her writing seriously because that is important to her and your opinion as a partner means a lot to her.  Make sure to make her feel like the greatest writer in the world because most writers need encouragement.  We often times have a low self esteem when it comes to our writing.

8.  There is a big chance she may be slightly introverted.

9.  Don’t be surprised to see pieces of you in some of her characters.

Certain things she loves or hates about you might come up non purposely/purposely in something she has written.

10.  Her mind will wander…a lot.

Expect some silly and overdramatic things to spout from her lips.  As a writer she is dreamy eyed and very imaginative so except that to be a part of her personality.

11.  Don’t expect her to do any housework when she’s working on her novel. 

The dishes will sit in the sink for days if she’s in ‘the zone’.

12.  Give her alone time.

If she purposely takes her laptop into another room while you’re together don’t assume she is doing it to get away from you.  You are a distraction  and she needs to focus on a piece she’s working on.

13.  Expect to hear her talk to herself.

Most likely she will read what she has written aloud to herself to see if the dialogue makes sense.  Also she may make weird facial expressions or noises because she is trying to figure out how to describe them for the scene she is writing.

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63 responses

  1. i deal with 2, 6, and 12 constantly.

    May 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    • With your gf?

      May 15, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      • yup. she complains that i’m always on the laptop, not really paying attention when she’s watching whatever tv shows. up until 2am typing sometimes.

        May 15, 2012 at 2:17 pm

        • Ha ha, you sound like me except for the 2am part. With a two year old I can’t do that late night stuff anymore but there was a time where I did. It seems like that was the time when inspiration struck. Maybe because it’s quiet and dark with less distractions.

          May 15, 2012 at 2:30 pm

          • dark, late, head clear, and i can come up with cooler stuff.

            May 15, 2012 at 8:02 pm

  2. Brilliant post!
    If it wasn’t for the heading of “lady writer” and the use of female pronouns, this could have been written about me!

    May 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    • Ha ha, I wasn’t sure if it be the same for a male writer as it is for a female one. Maybe I should go back and change the headings. I’m glad you can relate 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm

      • EXACTLY the same.
        10. Her(His!) mind will wander…a lot. is particularly true for me. wherever i am, whatever i’m doing, i am thinking about the project i am working on at the time. I can be rushed off my feet at work (today being a severe example) but there is still a bit of my head that is plotting and thinking about characterisation.

        May 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

        • Me too. Thoughts of it will always be in the back of your mind every second of the day no matter what you’re doing.

          May 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm

          • I always think of The Singing Detective where he says to a nurse “are you one of those people who thinks you need a pen and paper to write?”
            Thinking is writing too..

            May 16, 2012 at 1:12 am

            • I never thought of it that way 😉

              May 16, 2012 at 5:10 am

  3. true that. although i’m single, i better share this out. =))
    thanks for the post!

    May 15, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    • I’m glad you could relate 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

  4. Brandon Scott

    I can’t stand when people look over my shoulder when I’m working, writing or otherwise. I can relate to most of the others as well, even though I’m not a “lady writer.”, except the laptop thing. I think I’m one of the few people in the world who still prefers a desktop to a laptop.

    May 15, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    • I’m sure there are other people who prefer a desktop too. I just like laptops because they’re portable and I can’t sit still at a desktop. Ha ha, I should probably change the lady writer part.

      May 15, 2012 at 2:33 pm

  5. AMEN!!! I thought this was just me. I am so glad to be in good company! (#13 – I talk out character development to myself also like I’m talking about old friends. My family has threatened to have me committed…)

    May 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    • Ha ha, I know the feeling. But hey, it does help doesn’t it?

      May 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

  6. This is me! I’m glad I’m not the only crazy writer out there! 😀

    May 15, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    • We’re not crazy…we’re talented 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 2:40 pm

  7. TheOthers1

    I’m not dating anyone who would be annoyed by these things, but most of them are true of me. Lol

    May 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    • Ha ha, we are so alike it’s awesome 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm

  8. Zen

    Thankfully my fiancé and I are both writers, so we both understand and respect those things completely. =D

    May 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    • I bet that works out great then. Is he a good editor too?

      May 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

      • Zen

        Well, seeing as we both run an editing company, I have to say he’s great (no bias whatsoever). We both help each other out when it comes to editing and brainstorming, so it’s quite a nice setup. xD

        May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

        • Yea! That’s awesome 🙂

          May 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

  9. Excellent post! My husband had to learn all that the hard way and he still married me. 😉

    May 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    • Awww…..he’s a great guy I bet 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

  10. I am a teenager, never had a date in my life. But I can see why and how this would be helpful if I ever started to date a writer.

    May 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    • I’m glad it was helpful to you.

      May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

      • It was and could you do me a favor and check out my blog? I would love to know what you think

        May 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm

  11. borderer

    And if you happen to be a lady with a writer for a boyfriend, please do not be offended if a character who looks a lot like you is much much much more baroque in her erotic activities. Hey, it is a guy thing, it is bound to come out in his writing.

    May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    • Ha ha! Yes, you are probably right. I’ve also noticed there is a difference between the way a lady writer writes a love scene compared to the way a male writer writes one. The lady’s is more based on emotions whereas the male’s is based on…..

      May 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

  12. Reblogged this on Inside This Writer's Mind and commented:
    This post is SOOOO true! And it goes for married lady writers too…

    May 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    • Thanks for the reblog!

      May 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

  13. …sounds like you’ve had some bad experiences with dating, heh.

    May 15, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    • According to an ex, the big words issue made him feel stupid, like I was trying to make fun of him or something. At the time I wasn’t but now….

      May 15, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      • Eh – I find that people who feel stupid over something like words… It speaks more about their own insecurities and less about someone trying to be superior. I’ve had people try to make me feel inferior before, it is a bit different than sporting a big vocabulary.

        BTW – I am a writer that needs a door closed when I am writing. I need privacy to work… So whoever I date has to realize that. Or I probably will not be dating that person, heh.

        May 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm

        • Ha ha, all that privacy ends when you have kids though, especially when you’re a mommy.

          May 16, 2012 at 5:15 am

  14. This is a great list. I related to most of it. My husband could do with reading it. Thanks!

    May 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    • Thanks! I hope your husband enjoys it too 😉

      May 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

  15. This list is great, I related to most of it. My husband could do with reading it! Thanks!

    May 15, 2012 at 4:14 pm

  16. There is one more I’d add to the list: Don’t be hurt that your writer-partner spends a lot of time doing something that you can’t help with, can’t be a part of, and probably don’t understand. Give them space, and be happy that they aren’t playing video games. You’ll thank them for being eccentric if they ever have a best-seller.

    May 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    • I like that one. And boy would it be awesome if you could rub a best seller in their face! Someday! Someday! Hee hee….

      May 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

  17. Must make me other half read this 🙂

    May 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    • Hee hee 🙂

      May 16, 2012 at 5:16 am

      • Made him read it he says has he met you and was it aimed at him lol

        May 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

        • Wow, I didn’t realize how alike all of us writers are. Tell him it was to make him feel special 😉

          May 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

  18. HAHA! Love this! Need to send this to my bf. 😀

    May 16, 2012 at 2:43 am

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      May 16, 2012 at 5:17 am

  19. randalldeanscott

    Every item here is SO right on.

    May 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    • Thanks, I’m glad you could relate 🙂

      May 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

  20. Very good list! I liked number 3 – I think some of the big words that randomly come out of my mouth scares me sometimes. 🙂 And I ALWAYS cover my work when anyone tries to read what I’m writing. I feel uncomfortable showing anyone unfinished product!

    June 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    • Me too. Plus it drives me nuts when they read it outloud while I’m working on it. Erg!

      June 24, 2012 at 9:32 am

  21. never laugh at anything she have written …

    November 20, 2012 at 9:54 pm

  22. Reblogged this on robbie macniven.

    January 5, 2013 at 11:55 am

  23. Hi Heidi,
    I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award
    https://mariwells.wordpress.com/2013/01/10/the-versatile-blogger-award/

    January 10, 2013 at 5:45 pm

  24. Lyn

    Hi Heidi, thanks fellow writer, for dropping by and liking “Stuck in a Rut”
    I look forward to exploring your blog and reading your posts 🙂

    February 1, 2013 at 8:01 am

    • You’re welcome 😉

      February 1, 2013 at 9:36 am

  25. Brilliant.

    February 9, 2013 at 10:48 am

  26. HI
    I’ve awarded you The Versatile Blogger Award
    You can go here for the rules. http://mariwells.wordpress.com/2013/03/02/the-versatile-blogger-award-2/

    March 2, 2013 at 12:54 pm

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