Inside the mind of a fantasy writer

Why Writing Is Important To Me

Why is writing important to me?

Now that’s an interesting question.   My answer?

Writing saved my life.

This post is probably the hardest I will ever write and I’m sure I will think several times about deleting it.  But this part of me was the biggest influence on myself as a writer. The unbearable itch that tried to force me to pull the trigger.

Writing was the obsession that let me close my eyes, bite my trembling lip and stop my tears.  No longer did I have to sit back and let all the terrible thoughts running through my mind eat me alive.  Instead I can delve deep inside myself and put together an army of words that flow from my fingertips and combat my sadness.  Words that make up amazing stories.

Writing.  The distraction that saved my sanity.  The distraction that has become my obsession.

In real life I can’t come up with the perfect words I can on paper.  When I’m nervous, I stumble with words and trace small circles on the floor with my foot as I avoid your eyes.  My words don’t flow as well off my lips as they do off my fingers.

After years of going through a lot of shit and burying a lot of things, my body learned to react to stress with a very annoying, physical reaction that I will have to deal with the rest of my life.  At my lowest point I couldn’t speak a full sentence without forgetting what I was going to say next or even remember what your name was. The scariest part was knowing in my head what I wanted to say but not able to convey it through speech.

But even then I could still write and that thought kept me sane. Knowing I had another chapter to complete kept me going and always gave me a happy thought to look forward to each and every day.  And when I’m feeling really down I can read my stories and those beautiful words always made me smile.  It makes me feel like I’m amazing.  Me, the shy little kitten that had been pushed in the corner all her life and felt forgotten was amazing.

All that negative stuff is in the past now and my relationship with my writing has become more of a great friendship than a crutch to lean on. I’ve molded myself into a better person and surround myself with positive people.  I learned to become a more aggressive person, to stand up for myself and most importantly let my voice that I’ve fought so hard to keep, be heard.

I am probably a lot happier than most people I know and I value my life a lot more than they do too.  I know everything in my life isn’t perfect but it’s good and good is better than bad.  I can deal with good.

I don’t mind being people’s ray of sunshine anymore either because I know I don’t have to carry all the weight of everyone’s problems by myself anymore.  I know when to walk away when I’m being mistreated and to let go of things and people I can’t change.  I’m a better person and my writing allowed me to hang in there and find my better place.

My ability to write will always be there to catch my tears on paper if I ever feel the need.  My own words will comfort me and will never fault in making me realize how amazing I am.

My greatest hope is that people love my stories as I do and that they’ll give them the ounce of happiness that they have given me.

And that is why……writing is important to me.

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21 responses

  1. annagergen

    Wow, Heidi, that’s very powerful. I have a similar relationship with my writing. I feel that we are on the same wavelength when it comes to how we deal with what life throws at us. I’d love to talk to you more about how writing has helped you cope if you want to shoot me an email. I can’t seem to find a way to contact you from on your blog (I am somewhat inept at WP).

    April 21, 2012 at 12:01 am

    • I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…WP, get us a chat function!!! Raarr.

      Ok, soapbox over. *hugs*

      KC

      April 21, 2012 at 6:55 am

      • Thanks for the hugs!!

        April 21, 2012 at 10:06 am

    • Sure feel free to shoot me an email and we can talk more. If you click on my avatar my email address should be on there. I’m glad you share the same type of relationship with your writing and would love to hear your thoughts on this subject as well. It’s nice to know there are other people like myself in the world. 😉

      April 21, 2012 at 10:06 am

  2. TheOthers1

    It’s amazing the impact writing has on us all. Writing makes my thoughts clearer, helping me say what id never say in real life, giving voice to my emotions. Maintaining sanity is an apt description.

    April 21, 2012 at 12:26 am

    • Thanks for your thoughts. Writing is the best outlet because it’s helps you get everything out that you’re feeling without actually having to say it outloud.

      April 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

  3. i can see why this must have been so hard to write – you should feel proud of yourself though – it was an honour to read

    April 21, 2012 at 5:41 am

    • Thanks Kyle, you make me blush by saying it was an honor 😉 It was very hard to write and I had to edit out a lot of things that I still can’t say about people I’m still wary of upseting. It does help just begining to admit some of the bad things in my life that makes me who I am. It’s good for that whole, forgive and forget thing and shows I’ve conquered those things and learned to leave them where they belong. In the past.

      April 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

  4. Yup…way deep and personal and painful and…exactly what makes you an awesome writer. *hugs* Stay strong and happy…I need the inspiration! 😉

    KC & Co.

    April 21, 2012 at 6:56 am

    • Thanks, I’m glad I could give you some inspiration. And thanks agian for the *hugs* 😉

      April 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

  5. I thought this was very beautiful. Life can be hard and the fact that you have a way to put your emotions into your writing is a great thing. People need a way to release what’s inside them and I am glad you shared this and found a way to be the strong person that you have become. Never let anyone make your feel like you aren’t good enough. Keep doing what you are doing and prove them wrong.

    April 21, 2012 at 7:03 am

    • Thanks to you too Jennifer. Conversing with you makes me feel better too because we are a lot a like and I’ve never met anyone like that before. You are an inspiration to me as well, thank you for your sharing your thoughts 😉

      April 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

  6. Beautiful. It is so great to express ourselves through writing or whatever creative outlet we feel drawn to.

    April 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

    • I think so too. Having that outlet really helps.

      April 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

  7. I am glad that you churned out nectar from that toxic past. its a great credit and takes lots of courage.

    April 21, 2012 at 11:03 am

    • Thank you 😉

      April 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

  8. While this comment will only echo all the good and positive comments above, it is still from the heart. Thank you for so eloquently exposing your inner thoughts…that Holy of Holies that we all have, but rarely display.

    I write to cheat immortality…I want my children and grandchildren and their children to know me.

    Be encouraged!

    April 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    • Thanks for sharing your reading to write as well.

      April 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

  9. Dear Heidi, thank you so much for this deeply honest post. What a journey and what milestones you have conquered. How wonderful it is to come to that place of strength, healing and stand on firm ground through writing. Thank you for inspiring us all. Hugs, Sharon

    April 28, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    • Thanks for the hugs 😉

      April 28, 2012 at 1:52 pm

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